Tag: Marriage

Married Mondays – Edition One

For the last few weeks I’ve been thinking through starting this series, so here it goes.

Married Mondays First Edition

Look I’m not a counselor, I’m not a specialist, I’m no expert.  I’m a married man, with a kid, and full-time job.  I have to make time for my family and life.

I wanted to take this first post and talk about marriage and being there for your wife.

Guys listen, once you get married life changes.  You are no longer a bachelor.  You are responsible for more than just you now.  I’ve talked before about one of the easiest things to do is to say you would die for someone, It’s the long time saying and heroic thing to do, but 99% of the time you’ll never have to do it.  What matters more is that you are willing to do the dishes for her.  You are willing to put her first, make her take a break, and you do the chores around the house that you hate to do.  Also face it, you’re not just you anymore.  Yes, you can go hang out with the boys, but don’t neglect her.  Make sure she is getting more attention than your buddies or your video games.

Look we all hear the stories of he/she really let themselves go after they got married.  Guys, you put in the effort while you were dating and engaged,  Why does that have to stop now that your married?  Your wife wants you to be the man she fell in love with.  I know stuff gets in the way and keeps us from doing other things, but come on at least make an effort.

Take your wife out on a date.  Date nights become a memory if you don’t keep them up after your married for a while.  You get stuck in the mundane tasks of life and get stuck in your routines.  Make it a priority to go out just the two of you.  And let me add, SET THE PHONE DOWN.  We spend too much time thinking about that next post, tweet, selfie, or whatever and don’t focus on the one that is right in front of us.

Spend quality time together.  As life goes on, it will be more about the quality of the time you get together than the quantity of time you get together.  You may only get a few hours of true time together each day, but make the most of it.  Make sure that you are communicating.  Talk, Listen, and Hear.  Talk to her, tell her about your day, tell her what is bothering you at work.  Listen to her, listen to the details of what she is sharing with you.  Hear what she is and is not saying.  Let’s face it guys, we need to all make sure that we hear what she is NOT saying.  Ladies we aren’t mind readers, we try to figure you all out, but throw us a bone here.  Some of us are doing the best that we can.  Guys in all seriousness, it is this communication that we as humans long for. Communication is what will build and strengthen your relationships.

My challenge to you this week – Take your wife on a date.  It doesn’t even have to be a night out.  Do something that you did when you were dating, grab some take out and watch a movie.  The other challenge for this week is to take 20 minutes a day and talk to your wife.  It doesn’t matter if it’s just about what was involved in each of your days, or about how much you love her and love being with her.  Talk, be genuine, be open, be the man that she fell in love with.  It doesn’t matter if you have been together for years, weeks, or months.  Work on these things and become closer to each other.

by corymcglone

What we’re doing just ain’t working…

Hands

In today’s world many times we are starting out our relationships and marriages on a track to fail. We think we need a prenup… Or to state that when, not if, we get divorced what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is yours. 50% of marriages are ending in divorce now. We either marry out of convenience, so that we’re not alone, or others expectations.

But 50% do seem to make it. This is the stat that no one ever seems to focus on. Half of the time we do meet our “true love” or “the one”. Now I’m not saying that the half that makes it is better or they never fight about things but they focus on the marriage as a true partnership and that all decisions are WE.

When couples that stay together and make it they are ones that fight for their marriage. Your marriage and your spouse are things that can’t be taken for granted. A marriage isn’t a cactus, it needs cared for more than just every once in a while.

When you hit those rough patches in your relationship take a look at yourself before looking at the other person. If it’s always their fault, in your eye, maybe it’s really you. Before you look at stepping away, look at the person that you are in love with, and remember what it was that made you fall in love with them. What changed? Who Changed? I am willing to bet that the thing about them that you fell in love with, is still there. Maybe you have just taken it for granted. Maybe you just need to refocus on the WE in the relationship instead of the me.

by corymcglone

Love and Marriage

Over and over though life we hear about love.  I love _______.  You can fill in the blank with many different things.  For me  I love, God, my wife, my daughter, etc.  In today’s world though we get such twisted views of love.  We don’t have all the other words that other languages have.  We use the word love for the feelings we have for our spouse, kids, that cheeseburger at lunch.  It just doesn’t have the same meaning even though it is the same word.

But when we think about the love that you have for your spouse or loved ones, we think of the type of love that would go to the ends of the earth for the other person.  It is this love that makes you say that you would do anything for that person, you would be willing to give your life for that person.  This is what we hear about so much in songs and in movies, the guy saves the girl from the car at the last second, or the line from the Bruno Mars song, I’ll catch a grenade for you.  The fact that I would risk life and limb for my wife and daughter is a no brainer.

The main question to ask yourself when you know that you are in love, is not if you would stop a bullet for the other person or stop a run away train.  Ask yourself if at the end of your longest hardest day, are you willing to tell your wife go relax let me do the dishes, let me run the sweeper.  True love is looking at the relationship from both sides as an 80/20 split, I can take care of my wife, ensuring that her needs are met and she gets what she needs to be happy.   This fulfills my 20 percent for myself and lets her know that in everything that I do I am think of her.

Remember these things next time you tell someone you love them, and think of how you really mean it.  Look at the one you love and tell them that not only would you die for them, you will do the dishes or clean the bathroom.  Find out that one thing that they hate doing but have to, and do it for them, even though you hate it more.
And He said to him, ” ‘YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.’38“This is the great and foremost commandment.39“The second is like it, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.’40“On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.”
Matthew 22:37-40 (New American Standard Bible)

by corymcglone