2 Corinthians 5:16-19— 16 Therefore from now on we recognize no one according to the flesh; even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, yet now we know Him in this way no longer. 17 Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 18 Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, 19 namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation.
So many times in today’s world we hear about people’s past and that’s why they do the things that they do today. We get sometimes are trapped in the stigma that what our parents were, that’s what we will be. Or that one mistake in our past labels us for our entire future. We get so caught up in the past, and what we came from, that we let it become us. If someone comes from an abusive home, they will become an abuser, or always look for abusive relationships. If someone comes from a poverty-stricken family, they will never get out of that situation. But it is then that we have to overcome, we have to strive to do better, we have to reach for a better life
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I was lucky growing up, unlike so many people of my generation, my parents are still together after all these years. I had great parents that always taught me the value of hard work, and the importance of family. So no I didn’t come from a broken home, I didn’t have an abusive father, I didn’t have to deal with a lot of things that many deal with today. So no I can’t talk first hand to these situations, maybe my outlook would be different on this subject, but I know that there are people who overcome the demons of their past.
No matter what is in your past, it is not your past that makes you. Take the things from your past and let them shape you. The things of your past should help you make decisions, they should help you teach others and try to lead them in a better way. Take your old mistakes and learn from them, take the dark things of your past and find ways to not go down those roads again, learn from others mistakes, and try not to repeat them.
Take the past, put it behind you, learn from it, don’t dwell in it, use it to teach others, and go forward making your own history not shaped by your past.
This past weekend, our pastor was talking about being a leader, but also about what really breaks your heart, and what can you do about it. This really got me thinking, What really bothers me, what can I do to make a change, in my world/city/office….. Then it finally hit me, as I was on the road again for work, Why is it that as parents, mainly us dads, worry so much about being successful and getting ahead that our kids suffer. It should never be this way.
Then as I looked over the situation, I called together the nobles and the rest of the people and said to them, “Don’t be afraid of the enemy! Remember the Lord, who is great and glorious, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your homes!” (Nehemiah 4:14 NLT)
As parents what are we doing to continually pour into the lives of our kids, not pouring money, but pouring love, encouragement, life lessons, into our children. Today kids are growing up so fast, we are all becoming accustomed to an instant gratification life style. We have smart phones on 24/7, device after device, on our person, in our cars, OnDemand TV, everything is at our beckon call. Many of the generation behind me, the 24 and under crowd, at least many of the ones I have been around, have had life handed to them. Now I’m not saying that I had a rough childhood, but something that was instilled in me by both of my parents, and also my grandparents, was that if you want something, you sure will be working for it. Things were not just handed to you, you did your chores, got your allowance, saved and got those things that you wanted.
Again this trait was mainly pushed on me by my father, and the other male influences in my life. My parents, my in laws, my grandparents are and were very hard workers; that being said, they were always at home for dinner, at every basketball, soccer, baseball game, every school event. Today we see too many parents that say, Oh I will just go to the next one, there is only one first performance, only one first goal…..
Now granted there are times, that a parent cannot be present for these things and I understand that, and I’m not talking about one offs. I’m talking about, working to the point that your kids see you twice a week for an hour when they are going to bed, and in that time you are on your phone/computer/whatever. Pay attention to your kids and family. At the end of the day, another job will come along, but family is forever.
Those that have read my post before know my posts have as much ADD as I do, so back to my original point on this. I have come up with a few should’s and should nots:
Being a working Father Should:
1. Help instill the value of hard work into our children.
2. Provide for our families.
3. Cause us to thank God everyday for all that he provides.
4.
Being a working Father should not:
1. Cause us to miss out on our children’s lives
2. Cause our wives to live as single mothers
3. Stop us from always being present.
4. Make us feel that our family is an obligation.
I want to draw attention to should not #2 for a second. Many people have jobs that take them on the road for days/weeks/months at a time, I was recently on a project that had me away from home 3 days a week for 3 months practically. During this time my wife had a lot of additional responsibility, and it killed me that she was having to tackle our crazy, sweet but crazy, 4 yr old by her self. I did what what I could while I was in town, but it was only a fraction of what needed done. Another great point of this, is an interview I heard about with Jeremy Camp, the Christian musician. In the interview he was asked if it was easier on his wife when he was out on tour, to this he replied that he hoped not. If this was so he was not doing his job well enough when he was home. As dads we need to be co-captains of our team with our wives. We all have shared responsibility, not in the it takes a village sense, but in the it takes a daddy kind of way. Our kids need and deserve to have a dad around, not just present, but truly present and attentive.
Also family, is not an obligation. I’m drawn back to the Tim Allen movie, Jungle 2 Jungle, and the lesson he gives his son about obligations and then later calls his son an obligation. How would you feel if your kids felt obligated to spend time with you? Don’t spend time with your kids and wife just because you have too, get your priorities inline and make sure that your family is the most important thing in your life.
Spend good quality time with your loved ones, don’t be absent in your presence. Your kids should feel comfortable coming to you, knowing that you are listening to them, playing hard with them, cleaning the house with your spouse.
So my challenge to all the other working dads out there: The remainder of January, turn off your cell at 6:30; have family dinner at the dinning room table without distractions at least 2 nights a week; make your kid pee their pants(not really, but play and laugh to the point that they might have to run to the bathroom.); get someone to watch the kids and take your wife out on a date just once before the end of the month; and at least 3 times a week pray and get into God’s word as a family.
Try these things, and leave comments and let me know if it has strengthened your relationships. I also welcome any and all suggestions and criticisms.
Over the past few weeks I have been putting in quite a few miles for work, 6 different states, 4 different sites, over 3000 miles in about 20 days. Over this time I have had many hours to reflect on the things around me. The one thing that I do when I am going to have to travel is to make sure that I spend the morning with the munchkin. I take the few hours before I get on the road to keep her home from school for a bit and just have time with her. If she wants to lay around in bed, we do that, if she wants to go get pancakes, we do that. This is her time to have daddy to herself.
By having this time and then the time on the road I go to thinking about all the distractions we have in life. I know I have wrote about turning the phone off, playing, listening, and all that before, but this time is a little different. I got to really thinking about some of the things that we tell our kids; Do it this way, Color inside the lines, write with the other hand….. We try so hard ourselves to conform to society and we push our kids to conform as well. But why not, to a safe extent, let them do what comes naturally to them. By just observing my daughter I have seen her emmense ability to comprehend and grasp many different concepts. The way she figures things out is amazing, the things that she understands at 4 blows my mind. Then I started thinking about how she is able to do this, she will watch everything that we do and then act that way. Even though I don’t think she is paying attention sometimes, or she isn’t listening, the actions that come later prove me wrong. Also in all of the driving, I was listening to some old @Common tracks. One track jumped out at me, Pop’s Rap II, from One Day It Will All Make Sense. In the middle of the track, Pops is talking about how when Common was a kid he taught him more than he taught Common, with a few simple words. It is when we shut up and listen to our kids, that we can learn the most from them.
We have all heard the saying, Out of the mouth of babes, and it is true, the most honest answer that you will ever get is from a child.
When, I was thinking about all of this, I was trying to figure out what God was trying to tell me or if it was just on my mind. Then Sunday at Church, our Pastor was continuing our current series called Strong. It is about having a stronger relationship with God, and doing the things that He has told us to do to build that relationship. This week was about fasting and solitude. And this really started to hit home, I have fasted before…. Usually when I want God to do something or show me something. But never to do it just to get closer to Him. Fasting is all about getting closer to God, it was laid out as something we should be doing as Christians. It helps us to focus in on JUST God. It is that time that we put everything else out of our way, and listen to Him. Just like when we think our kids aren’t listening to us, Are we listening to God? The example our pastor gave was of when you are listening to the radio, while driving down the road. You get some stations perfectly clear, no static just pure sound; then as you go on down the road there is a little more static, and more and more and more, until finally you can’t hear that station anymore for all the static and other noise you are picking up. In our daily lives, it may not be that we are getting farther from God, but that we have too many things fighting for our attention. Too many things are putting static into our minds, that we think that we can hear God, but we aren’t sure. It is our uncertainty that causes us to not act on things that He has in store for us, we get nervous, and continue with our mundane lives.
God listens to us whenever we come to Him with our whole heart, He knows what we are coming for before we ever talk to him about it. He listens to us as if we were the only ones around, we have a direct communication line with him. He doesn’t get distracted and bogged down like we do. I know many of us, specifically us dad’s – lets face it we all have ADD; Will respond to our children, out of routine, with an “Uh huh”, or something of the like, when we don’t know what they really said, (We get in big trouble when we take this approach with the wife, who knows the things we really agree too.)
So I challenge you, to take an extra 20 minutes in the morning, to Shut Up and listen to God. Then take an extra hour with no TV, no phone, no electronic interference, to talk with your kids, talk with your wife/husband/significant other, and just see how things in your life change. Hey if nothing changes, I just saved you some electric and phone minutes, but I hope things get better.
Ramblings of a Christian Father 