Tag: Husband

Target focused dads and husbands

Photo by Mikhail Nilov: https://www.pexels.com/photo/businessman-man-person-people-6620423/

Something that has been on my mind for a while is a series of thoughts for us dads and husbands to help us shift/readjust/refocus our lives better on what God wants us to do. We are called to lead our families. Some of us had really good role models, others may have had role models who showed us what not to do, and in other cases, we saw what not to do but didn’t know any better and thought that was the usual way of doing things. Hopefully, if you are reading this and are/were in that last category, you know that God brought you to this page for a reason.

As dads and husbands, we need to be leaders and examples within our families and to those around us. Older husbands and dads need to take the time to mentor new husbands and new dads. As a young dad, I had no clue what I was doing. Luckily, I had seen other dads in my life support their wives and daughters, preparing me to be a “girl dad.” That’s the point of me taking time now to sit and write out these thoughts that I feel God has put into my heart and mind. I want to be that support for another dad out there that isn’t sure what to do, or that husband that isn’t sure what step is next.

Over the next few posts I plan to expand on the following 4 concepts:

Be On paper – Use God’s word to know that you are going the right way. If you aren’t even hitting the paper, you have no idea what direction you are going. Also looking at this a something that we as men hate to do, read directions. God has already laid out so many plans, templates, frameworks, for our lives. We are just typically too stubborn to check the directions.

Get Grouped – Once you are hitting paper, you have to be consistent. Develop a habit of staying in the word, get into groups with other dads and husbands, start into reading plans on the YouVersion Bible app. Work on improving you direction and consistency

Photo by RDNE Stock project: https://www.pexels.com/photo/nature-dirty-wall-vintage-6668983/

Be On target – You’ve gotten on paper, you’ve put together some good groupings, now it’s time to make sure that you are actually hitting the main target. Some of us may be happy enough just putting consistent shots on a steel plate and hearing that satisfying ting. But how far out is that target? What happens when hitting that target becomes too easy and we get bored? Do we get too relaxed and start missing?

Photo by : https://www.pexels.com/photo/bullseye-center-illustration-round-416832/

Get Centered – Hitting the Bullseye. Let’s face it, no matter how long you have been shooting guns, archery, throwing darts, there is a satisfaction that comes from placing that perfect shot or throw dead-center, when you put a few grouped right together, you can feel invincible. But don’t get too proud, because that next shot might be a out of true arrow, a lighter load, a bent vane, and that perfect score just got a miss or a 2. Staying centered, but being able to recover when you make a mistake is going to be the critical when going though life.

Everything I hope to get out during this, is about recovering from that bad shot. Having a group of other people, other dads, other husbands around you, that can help you get back on target, or maybe get on target for the very first time, is critical. We all need a person or persons in our life that is going to help us make corrections, especially when they are correcting things that we can’t even see that we are doing.

That’s it for this post. Be sure to check back in soon for the next part of this series.

—Cory

by corymcglone

Married Mondays – Guarded

Happy 2016 everyone.  It was a great break and opportunity, to reflect, recharge, and refocus.  As I was going through what to post this week, I had a couple things kind of pop up and smack me in the face, leading me to this post.

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To me Guarding your marriage, and guarding your loved one, is as DJ Khaled would put it, A Key to Success.

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I won’t post the image here, but I saw a Facebook post last week that depicted the story line of an affair using stick people.  Everything started out great, you got married you had kids, one person went to work, one stayed home, a friend comes over for coffee, one thing leads to another, and shortly after there are divorce papers, child support and additional house payments.  All because someone else was there to listen and make the other person feel special.

It is your job in your marriage to make you spouse feel wanted, feel special, to feel appreciated.  If you are having problems at home, don’t talk to someone at work about the issues that isn’t your gender.  Problems and “friends” of the opposite sex, will cause you 99 more problems.  If your having problems, Facebook, Twitter, (Other social media site here), is not the place to air your dirty laundry.  This just opens the door for someone to come in and be the sympathy card.  Cheating and affairs don’t always start physical.  Guys, we unknowingly flirt, ladies you will unknowingly flirt.  No I’m not saying that you can never talk to a person of not your gender, but be careful your vocabulary.  Be careful of your body language.  Be cautious of your time.

Guard your words, your actions, and your time.  Your words of encouragement should be for your spouse first.  Your actions, you helping out, should be for your spouse first.  Your time, make sure your spouse, and your family come first.  Your marriage is sacred.  If you aren’t paying attention to your spouse and holding each other accountable for all of their actions, you are not guarding your marriage.

You have to talk and communicate with each other.  You also need to be sure that your not keeping things bottled up inside waiting on them to ask you.  Yes, “We need to talk…” is scary as anything, but without facing reality, you will never have a successful and vivbrant marriage.  If there is one person in the world that you can be truly real with, be your honest to goodness real self with, it is your spouse.  Walls should be around your marriage not through it.

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Your marriage is a living thing, it is the two of you.  If you don’t take care of it, if you don’t nurture your relationship with each other, of course it’s going to die.  We have to guard against complacency and the myth of that could never happen to us.  We just entered a new year 4 days ago, do you remember what you were doing this time last year?  Do you remember what you did together last week?

As we get moving into this new year, I want to challenge all of you, to not worry about your resolutions, don’t worry about losing the 20+ pounds, don’t worry about stuff.  Focus on making each day the best day of your marriage.  Focus on being fully involved in each others lives.  Guard against the things that take your focus off of each other.  Guard against complacency.  Guard against any thing else that can and will attack your happy life together.  There is nothing that you can’t get through together, as long as you stand strong and stand guard together.

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by corymcglone

Married Mondays — Communication is Key

communication

[kuh-myoo-ni-key-shuh n]
noun
1.the act or process of communicating; fact of being communicated.
2.the imparting orinterchangeof thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs.
3.something imparted, interchanged, or transmitted.

hearing

 [heer-ing]
noun
1.the faculty or sense by which sound is perceived.
2.the act of perceiving sound.

listen

[lis–uh n]
verb (used without object)
1.to give attention with the ear; attend closely for the purpose of hearing; give ear.
2.to pay attention; heed; obey
This week, I wanted to touch on something that I have been hinting out the past couple weeks.  One of the things that I feel give my wife and I a successful marriage is that we communicate with each other.  Communication, true communication is back and forth.  It is listening, and then responding.  You cannot respond properly if you haven’t listened to everything that is being said.
Now let’s be honest, the women in our lives will use words that we don’t understand and will say things in ways that we have to really pay attention.  Listen to her words, watch her actions, listen to her voice.  Does this look ok? and Does this LOOK ok? and How do I look? are not the same question, and an answer with the word fine, does not mean the same either.  It comes down to knowing the question that was asked versus the question you think was asked.  My wife had a co-worker at one time that would always answer that they thought they heard in the most intellectual way possible.  A simple question about the time could turn into a story about Swiss watch makers, and 15 minutes later you still didn’t know what time it was.
It comes down also to sometimes she is just going to need you to listen.  Sometimes you just need your spouse to listen to you.  I have always struggled with trying to find the answer or resolution half way through the story.  I’m planning my response not as a rebuttal to conversation, but as a way to work something out.  Guys STOP do this.  There are going to be things that we can’t fix.  There are going to be things that are going out that you don’t want a certain level of detail on.  When you are there as the ear to listen, the hand to hold, and the shoulder to support, sometimes that is all they need.  They don’t always need you to fix it.  Be there, be present, be a listener.  Some times they do want you to take action, just not always right then.
The other factor into all of this is vocabulary.  I included the definition of the work hear as well as listen, but I’ve been very careful not to use hear in this.  Hearing is only receiving the sounds, we hear the keys of the keyboard, we hear cars outside, we hear someone at the door.  We listen to music, we listen to our children, families, and spouses.  You also know over time what the proper vocabulary is for whatever mood you are both in.  As time goes on you learn when to just shut up and let them vent or stew.  Just make sure that you are there for all parts of the communication process.
Take this week, and again as I have said before, put the phone away, put down the game controller, put the computer away, wrap your arms around your loved one.  Ask them about their day, and be truly interested.
by corymcglone