2 Corinthians 5:16-19— 16 Therefore from now on we recognize no one according to the flesh; even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, yet now we know Him in this way no longer. 17 Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 18 Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, 19 namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation.
So many times in today’s world we hear about people’s past and that’s why they do the things that they do today. We get sometimes are trapped in the stigma that what our parents were, that’s what we will be. Or that one mistake in our past labels us for our entire future. We get so caught up in the past, and what we came from, that we let it become us. If someone comes from an abusive home, they will become an abuser, or always look for abusive relationships. If someone comes from a poverty-stricken family, they will never get out of that situation. But it is then that we have to overcome, we have to strive to do better, we have to reach for a better life
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I was lucky growing up, unlike so many people of my generation, my parents are still together after all these years. I had great parents that always taught me the value of hard work, and the importance of family. So no I didn’t come from a broken home, I didn’t have an abusive father, I didn’t have to deal with a lot of things that many deal with today. So no I can’t talk first hand to these situations, maybe my outlook would be different on this subject, but I know that there are people who overcome the demons of their past.
No matter what is in your past, it is not your past that makes you. Take the things from your past and let them shape you. The things of your past should help you make decisions, they should help you teach others and try to lead them in a better way. Take your old mistakes and learn from them, take the dark things of your past and find ways to not go down those roads again, learn from others mistakes, and try not to repeat them.
Take the past, put it behind you, learn from it, don’t dwell in it, use it to teach others, and go forward making your own history not shaped by your past.
This past weekend, our pastor was talking about being a leader, but also about what really breaks your heart, and what can you do about it. This really got me thinking, What really bothers me, what can I do to make a change, in my world/city/office….. Then it finally hit me, as I was on the road again for work, Why is it that as parents, mainly us dads, worry so much about being successful and getting ahead that our kids suffer. It should never be this way.
Then as I looked over the situation, I called together the nobles and the rest of the people and said to them, “Don’t be afraid of the enemy! Remember the Lord, who is great and glorious, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your homes!” (Nehemiah 4:14 NLT)
As parents what are we doing to continually pour into the lives of our kids, not pouring money, but pouring love, encouragement, life lessons, into our children. Today kids are growing up so fast, we are all becoming accustomed to an instant gratification life style. We have smart phones on 24/7, device after device, on our person, in our cars, OnDemand TV, everything is at our beckon call. Many of the generation behind me, the 24 and under crowd, at least many of the ones I have been around, have had life handed to them. Now I’m not saying that I had a rough childhood, but something that was instilled in me by both of my parents, and also my grandparents, was that if you want something, you sure will be working for it. Things were not just handed to you, you did your chores, got your allowance, saved and got those things that you wanted.
Again this trait was mainly pushed on me by my father, and the other male influences in my life. My parents, my in laws, my grandparents are and were very hard workers; that being said, they were always at home for dinner, at every basketball, soccer, baseball game, every school event. Today we see too many parents that say, Oh I will just go to the next one, there is only one first performance, only one first goal…..
Now granted there are times, that a parent cannot be present for these things and I understand that, and I’m not talking about one offs. I’m talking about, working to the point that your kids see you twice a week for an hour when they are going to bed, and in that time you are on your phone/computer/whatever. Pay attention to your kids and family. At the end of the day, another job will come along, but family is forever.
Those that have read my post before know my posts have as much ADD as I do, so back to my original point on this. I have come up with a few should’s and should nots:
Being a working Father Should:
1. Help instill the value of hard work into our children.
2. Provide for our families.
3. Cause us to thank God everyday for all that he provides.
4.
Being a working Father should not:
1. Cause us to miss out on our children’s lives
2. Cause our wives to live as single mothers
3. Stop us from always being present.
4. Make us feel that our family is an obligation.
I want to draw attention to should not #2 for a second. Many people have jobs that take them on the road for days/weeks/months at a time, I was recently on a project that had me away from home 3 days a week for 3 months practically. During this time my wife had a lot of additional responsibility, and it killed me that she was having to tackle our crazy, sweet but crazy, 4 yr old by her self. I did what what I could while I was in town, but it was only a fraction of what needed done. Another great point of this, is an interview I heard about with Jeremy Camp, the Christian musician. In the interview he was asked if it was easier on his wife when he was out on tour, to this he replied that he hoped not. If this was so he was not doing his job well enough when he was home. As dads we need to be co-captains of our team with our wives. We all have shared responsibility, not in the it takes a village sense, but in the it takes a daddy kind of way. Our kids need and deserve to have a dad around, not just present, but truly present and attentive.
Also family, is not an obligation. I’m drawn back to the Tim Allen movie, Jungle 2 Jungle, and the lesson he gives his son about obligations and then later calls his son an obligation. How would you feel if your kids felt obligated to spend time with you? Don’t spend time with your kids and wife just because you have too, get your priorities inline and make sure that your family is the most important thing in your life.
Spend good quality time with your loved ones, don’t be absent in your presence. Your kids should feel comfortable coming to you, knowing that you are listening to them, playing hard with them, cleaning the house with your spouse.
So my challenge to all the other working dads out there: The remainder of January, turn off your cell at 6:30; have family dinner at the dinning room table without distractions at least 2 nights a week; make your kid pee their pants(not really, but play and laugh to the point that they might have to run to the bathroom.); get someone to watch the kids and take your wife out on a date just once before the end of the month; and at least 3 times a week pray and get into God’s word as a family.
Try these things, and leave comments and let me know if it has strengthened your relationships. I also welcome any and all suggestions and criticisms.
Have you ever stopped to ask yourself why you do the things that you do. Not why do I go to work, but why are actions and attitudes are they way that they are. The past couple weeks at Church, 2 different churches for that matter, the sermons have touched on things that I felt God laying on my heard for a few weeks now. Why do we go to Church where we do, why do we do the things that we do, why do we live the way that we live, what are we doing as Christians different from the world?
Some words have kept popping into my heard why thinking on this; complacent, convenient, habit, comfortable, satisfied, pacified, agnostic, and accustomed. If you look at these words and feel that they are all the same, you could be right, they could be all unrelated to some as well.
I feel that in life in general we are all creatures of habit. Even if you think that your not, we are all a little OCD. You know if someone has adjusted your chair at the office; You know that the blue pen was on the right side of the pencil holder when you left last night and now it is in the middle; You use the same seat in the conference room every meeting, in fact 90% of you co-workers sit in the same seat. We get to a point in our lives that we are just in a habit, we get up at the same time everyday, go through the same routine, drive to work the same way, get mad when someone has taken your normal parking spot….. Drive home the same way every day, come home and put your keys on the same hook…. You get the point and for the most part we are all genuinely happy this way. Our days have enough variance that they stay interesting, and when you have kids, in they house you never know what to expect. But its the stable things in life that can cause us the issues.
We get to a point where our jobs have not changed in 20 years, you are still pulling the same lever that you did when you started 20 years ago, you have not had a desire to move up. You are satisfied with you pay and responsibility. You become complacent, in your work, everything is mundane, it the same ol different day. To some this is great to others it makes them go crazy. We do things because thats all we know. We have no desire to go that extra mile to do something on our own, to step into that unknown realm of difference. This happens all to often in our churches and in our spiritual lives. We do enough to get by, we go to church on Sunday, we don’t cuss around people, we are good people, thats not enough. As the Bible clearly states, we are not saved by works alone, however faith without works is dead. It is not enough to go to Church and say that you are a Christian, you have to live it day in and day out.
This brings me to another point, when we become complacent and pacified, our spiritual lives suffer. When we go to church just out of habit or obligation, we can’t let so and so down if were not there, we loose sight of why the Church is there to begin with. If the Church has just become a social gathering to see and be seen, to get a warm fuzzy and to do your spiritual duty of going to church for the week, you are doing it for the wrong reasons. While yes Church is absolutely about community, it is about helping each other, being there for each other. When someone in the Church needs help, your answer should not be, let me see if I can make it, it should be I’ll be right there. The sense of community in the church has changed over the years, but in some churches you can still see the congregation come together, pray for one another, cry for one another, and just all go to the throne of God for someone else. They put their cares and worries aside for this other person who has a need. No matter how great or small God hears them all. Sometimes you just don’t see prayer services in Churches anymore, that the thing I love about our Church in Ohio, this little Church has not forgotten the power of prayer. So what if it throws off the flow of service, let God do what God needs to do.
I have said all of that to say this; If in your life, you feel satisfied make sure you are not complacent. God wants to bless us abundantly, He wants to fill our cups till they are running over. He wants us to ALWAYS be hungry for His will in our lives, He wants us to find community with those around us, to where we don’t just know their names and 5 things about them, but that we can look at them or get a call from them and in seconds know that something is going on, good or bad, we have that connection with them that we know they need us to praise with them or pray with them.
Sometimes you will have to do things that you don’t think you can do or want to do, but be responsive to God’s will in your life and see if you don’t become happier in all that you do. There will be a new feeling around you and people will know that something is going on. God has done amazing things in the past with 1 person; David, Joseph, Moses, Abraham, Paul, Jesus. Yes these people had others with them, but it took the power of God working through the one person to bring in those others, and do change lives, nations, the world. God can use you and the gifts that He has given to you in ways that you have never dreamed, the key is to never be satisfied, always want more from God. Our God wants to give us everything all we have to do is ask. We step out in faith, even if we are alone, even if we only have 1 person to back us up, we still have Him on our side. If you look at the story of Jonathan and his armor bearer in 1 Samuel 14, Jonathan was tired of hiding. They stepped out in faith that God would talk care of them, and 2 men killed 20 men who were more well armed then they were.
Have faith in God and trust in Him. Nothing is to much for God and He will never give us more than He knows we can handle. Maybe now is the time you to make that new commitment to your Church, maybe it’s time to find a new way to share your faith, maybe its time to put into action that tugging that has been in your heart to do something that you have no idea what it is. Trust God in all that you do and believe, seek His will for your next actions, and see what adventures lie ahead for you.
Ramblings of a Christian Father 