Welcome back to another edition of Married Mondays.
We all make plans. Before marriage we plan out our career, our future wedding, our future life, we plan what we think that person we marry will be like and who it will be. We plan in our heads what they will look like, how the engagement will happen, we plan that she will say yes… We get married and we plan our lives together, we plan for a house, we plan for family. We plan to do ______ when we have ______. We plan for the whens.
But what happens to the IFs. Many times the IF is the negative part of the process. We never really look or think about the “what ifs” in life. When you are working together as a team to “plan” for life, you have to look at the what if scenarios; What if one of us lost our job, what if we can’t have kids, what if we fight, what if a job requires us to move… These are the plans that you never want to talk about. These are the plans that will do one of two things when they have to be discussed, they will bring you closer together or pull you apart.
No one wants to sit around and plan for these what ifs but making sure that you are together is the biggest part of these plans. Making plans for life and what you want to do, finding the vision of you what you both want out of your marriage and
Working together, communicating, and staying honest are they ways that you will be able to get through anything. No matter what life throws at you, working together and keeping a strong faith in God, trusting God and trusting each other, you will be able to make it through.
Happy Monday everyone, and welcome back to another edition of Married Mondays. This week, I want to talk about trust. Trusting your spouse is not complacency or naivete. Trust is not control or guilt. Trust in a marriage is knowing that you are both looking out for the interest of the team. You are taking care of your marriage, you are doing the things that you promised to do when you took your marriage vows.
When you begin thinking, “Oh that could never…” or “we don’t have to worry about that…” you run the risk of becoming complacent. You run the risk of your spouse not knowing that you know they are worth fighting for. You can more easily loose the spark in your relationship, when you become complacent.
Trust, to be is being open and honest with your spouse. It comes back to communication. Even the small things that are going on make sure that your spouse knows. We all think differently about things. Take this for example:
“Honey it’s me. I don’t want to alarm you but I was hit by a car as I was leaving the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They have checked me over and done some tests and some x-rays.
The blow to my head was severe. Fortunately it did not cause any serious internal injury.However I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they think they may have to amputate my right foot.
Wife’s Response: “Who is Paula?
Or this video:
But in all seriousness, in thinking about the Christmas story in the Bible and the events that led up to Mary and Joseph traveling to Bethlehem, there was some true trust in each other and trust in God. A firm trust in God and what He has for you and your marriage, will push out any distrust between you. The more you trust God the more you will trust each other and all of those in your life.
18This is how Jesus the Messiah was born. His mother, Mary, was engaged to be married to Joseph. But before the marriage took place, while she was still a virgin, she became pregnant through the power of the Holy Spirit.
19Joseph, her fiancé, was a good man and did not want to disgrace her publicly, so he decided to break the engagement quietly.
20As he considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream. “Joseph, son of David,” the angel said, “do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife. For the child within her was conceived by the Holy Spirit.
21And she will have a son, and you are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.”
22All of this occurred to fulfill the Lord’s message through his prophet:
23“Look! The virgin will conceive a child!
She will give birth to a son,
and they will call him Immanuel, which means ‘God is with us.’”
24When Joseph woke up, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded and took Mary as his wife.
Trusting in God and trusting in each other, are the pillars that a marriage and your life should be built upon. Let me also say that trust is not something to be abused. If there are trust issues in your relationship, work to resolve them. Trust issues and fights will break down your marriage, they will break you down as a person. Not to be corny but, Honesty is the best policy, is truth. You are a team, you are together one person, you should have no secrets from each other. If you scroll though your spouses camera roll/text messages/emails/(insert social media stream here), you shouldn’t be surprised by what you see.
Work with each other, talk out any issues that you have, with cool heads. Listen to each other, fight for each other not against each other. If you need to rebuild that trusting relationship. Don’t hold past issues in the way of rebuilding that trust. Yes broken trust is hard to repair but it’s not impossible unless you make it impossible.
This week, talk with your spouse. Make sure that they know that you feel that your marriage is worth fighting for.
Over the past few weeks, I know that I have repeatedly, wrote about shutting off your devices and spending good old fashioned quality time with your spouse and loved ones. This week I want to step past just talking about things to do with your spouse and hit on things to do as a family.
As we get further into the holiday season, take time to focus on what truly matters most. Many of us just finished up Thanksgiving, and still have days worth of left overs. Many of us went out for Black Friday sales on Thursday and through the weekend, and many more of us will be spending time going through all of the Cyber Monday/Cyber Week deals. These aren’t the things that matter. What truly matters is looking at what you can do as a family to touch those around you. Maybe, as a family, you can start a tradition of doing Operation Christmas Child(a little late for this one now,) Angel Tree, Toys for Tots, or working with one of the many other charities out there. As a family we have made it a point to do something every year. For less than you would spend on junk that you don’t need, you can use that on someone else. We tend to fill our lives with stuff, and we retreat to our STUFF to make us Happy, but then we just need the newest thing, or the thing that is better than someone else’s. And we get stuck in a cycle of want. Let’s put it in perspective, the phone that many of you are reading this on, will cost you over $600 ($10-30/month at a time.) If you feel that you can use that same phone for a year longer, what could you do for someone else, for another family, for someone in another county. As a family take a moment to do something for someone else. We are now a global community, from your house in the US, you can with a simple click, buy chickens for a family in another country.
This week’s title I took from the book my daughter is reading right now Diary of A Wimpy Kid : Old School. It has taken her a little while to understand what it is really about. From what I have seen of it so far is one of the things that I have been touching on over the past few weeks. Stepping away from technology, actually communicating with words from your mouth, and enjoying what is around you. Enjoying the outdoors, enjoying company, enjoying each other.
For our marriages and for our families, shutting down the electronics, and spending time playing, using your imagination, talking, and being present changes everything. The past couple weeks, my wife and I have had the chance to just chill at the house after the munchkin has gone to bed. It has been awesome to unplug, not watch a show or anything, but spend time together with the Christmas tree on. We have been able to take this little bit of time to catch up with each other, and put into practice what I’ve been writing these past few weeks.
Also as we get further into the holiday season, I encourage you to make sure that you are taking time out as a couple and as a family, to refocus and rebalance your needs and wants. Focus on the things that you can do together as a couple and/or as a family, that don’t involve the TV, computer, or game system. Pull out an old board game, do something that requires imagination, and give them your full attention. The worries of tomorrow can wait until tomorrow. Don’t make you family, your spouse, your loved ones, compete for your attention. Go Old School, shut down and have family time.