Category: Father

Working dads not absentee fathers

This past weekend, our pastor was talking about being a leader, but also about what really breaks your heart, and what can you do about it. This really got me thinking, What really bothers me, what can I do to make a change, in my world/city/office….. Then it finally hit me, as I was on the road again for work, Why is it that as parents, mainly us dads, worry so much about being successful and getting ahead that our kids suffer. It should never be this way.

20120117-134456.jpg

Then as I looked over the situation, I called together the nobles and the rest of the people and said to them, “Don’t be afraid of the enemy! Remember the Lord, who is great and glorious, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your homes!” (Nehemiah 4:14 NLT)

As parents what are we doing to continually pour into the lives of our kids, not pouring money, but pouring love, encouragement, life lessons, into our children. Today kids are growing up so fast, we are all becoming accustomed to an instant gratification life style. We have smart phones on 24/7, device after device, on our person, in our cars, OnDemand TV, everything is at our beckon call. Many of the generation behind me, the 24 and under crowd, at least many of the ones I have been around, have had life handed to them. Now I’m not saying that I had a rough childhood, but something that was instilled in me by both of my parents, and also my grandparents, was that if you want something, you sure will be working for it. Things were not just handed to you, you did your chores, got your allowance, saved and got those things that you wanted.

Again this trait was mainly pushed on me by my father, and the other male influences in my life. My parents, my in laws, my grandparents are and were very hard workers; that being said, they were always at home for dinner, at every basketball, soccer, baseball game, every school event. Today we see too many parents that say, Oh I will just go to the next one, there is only one first performance, only one first goal…..

Now granted there are times, that a parent cannot be present for these things and I understand that, and I’m not talking about one offs. I’m talking about, working to the point that your kids see you twice a week for an hour when they are going to bed, and in that time you are on your phone/computer/whatever. Pay attention to your kids and family. At the end of the day, another job will come along, but family is forever.

Take a listen to this song from Kirk Franklin

Those that have read my post before know my posts have as much ADD as I do, so back to my original point on this. I have come up with a few should’s and should nots:

Being a working Father Should:
1. Help instill the value of hard work into our children.
2. Provide for our families.
3. Cause us to thank God everyday for all that he provides.
4.

Being a working Father should not:
1. Cause us to miss out on our children’s lives
2. Cause our wives to live as single mothers
3. Stop us from always being present.
4. Make us feel that our family is an obligation.

I want to draw attention to should not #2 for a second. Many people have jobs that take them on the road for days/weeks/months at a time, I was recently on a project that had me away from home 3 days a week for 3 months practically. During this time my wife had a lot of additional responsibility, and it killed me that she was having to tackle our crazy, sweet but crazy, 4 yr old by her self. I did what what I could while I was in town, but it was only a fraction of what needed done. Another great point of this, is an interview I heard about with Jeremy Camp, the Christian musician. In the interview he was asked if it was easier on his wife when he was out on tour, to this he replied that he hoped not. If this was so he was not doing his job well enough when he was home. As dads we need to be co-captains of our team with our wives. We all have shared responsibility, not in the it takes a village sense, but in the it takes a daddy kind of way. Our kids need and deserve to have a dad around, not just present, but truly present and attentive.

Also family, is not an obligation. I’m drawn back to the Tim Allen movie, Jungle 2 Jungle, and the lesson he gives his son about obligations and then later calls his son an obligation. How would you feel if your kids felt obligated to spend time with you? Don’t spend time with your kids and wife just because you have too, get your priorities inline and make sure that your family is the most important thing in your life.

Spend good quality time with your loved ones, don’t be absent in your presence. Your kids should feel comfortable coming to you, knowing that you are listening to them, playing hard with them, cleaning the house with your spouse.

So my challenge to all the other working dads out there: The remainder of January, turn off your cell at 6:30; have family dinner at the dinning room table without distractions at least 2 nights a week; make your kid pee their pants(not really, but play and laugh to the point that they might have to run to the bathroom.); get someone to watch the kids and take your wife out on a date just once before the end of the month; and at least 3 times a week pray and get into God’s word as a family.

20120117-134513.jpg

Try these things, and leave comments and let me know if it has strengthened your relationships. I also welcome any and all suggestions and criticisms.

Ramble on…….

by corymcglone

Thankful, Blessed, and Grateful

20111226-164332.jpgIt’s that time of year again, the time of year that we think back on everything of the past year. We are closing out one year and looking forward to the coming year with its new chances to start over, a new year with new beginnings. For Many people, this is the only time of year they will: make it into a Church, think about others, think about God.
In our society, there are many people who will go to church on Christmas and not again until the next year. This is also the time of year that you can and will hear songs about Christ, in secular settings. Maybe it’s a situation that this is the only time some people see the Christmas Spirit in others. Too many times this Christmas Spirit disappears, if we’re lucky sometime in mid January, or when they get into their car in the mall parking lot. Hopefully it’s not the same person flipping the bird that was just saying,”have a blessed Christmas/have a blessed day.”
But it is this time of year that we do the things that we should do all year:
1. Thank God for all that he does and continues to do.
2. Reflect on all the good things in your life.
3. Give your family your undivided attention.

Every year no matter how bad the economy is, there have always been presents under the tree at Christmas, the heat has always been on, and we have had a warm place to sleep. Now I don’t want to sound sappy, but it’s not the number of presents that are under the tree but the time that you get to spend with your family.

20111226-163920.jpg
It is this time of year also that we as parents, Christian parents, need to also insure that we are teaching our children that there is more to Christmas than a fat guy in a red suit that breaks into houses and steals cookies, but leaves presents. We need to make sure that we are telling our kids the true meaning of Christmas, about Jesus and the start of his life as a lowly baby.
So during the rest of this year and the coming year, take time to remember the most important things in your life, daily. Let’s head into 2012, giving God the praise and thanks that he deserves for all that he does for us. Find the bright side in any and all situations, because no matter how bad we have it at that moment, learn from these situations.
Live by the old saying of “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger,” but also remember that God will never give us more than We can handle. Take any and all chances that you have to go out of your way to do something for others around you, not for a thank you, or to be one up one them, but buy lunch, coffee, etc. for the person in the drive through behind you, do something for a stranger, Pay it Forward if you will. Do this not for other s to see you doing it but so that you and God know about it. It is the small gestures that, will make large differences in the day of others.

Merry Christmas, good night and God bless.

by corymcglone

Sit down, keep your mouth shut and your eyes open….

Over the past few weeks I have been putting in quite a few miles for work, 6 different states, 4 different sites, over 3000 miles in about 20 days.  Over this time I have had many hours to reflect on the things around me.  The one thing that I do when I am going to have to travel is to make sure that I spend the morning with the munchkin.  I take the few hours before I get on the road to keep her home from school for a bit and just have time with her.  If she wants to lay around in bed, we do that, if she wants to go get pancakes, we do that.  This is her time to have daddy to herself.

By having this time and then the time on the road I go to thinking about all the distractions we have in life.  I know I have wrote about turning the phone off, playing, listening, and all that before, but this time is a little different.  I got to really thinking about some of the things that we tell our kids; Do it this way, Color inside the lines, write with the other hand….. We try so hard ourselves to conform to society and we push our kids to conform as well.  But why not, to a safe extent, let them do what comes naturally to them.  By just observing my daughter I have seen her emmense ability to comprehend and grasp many different concepts.  The way she figures things out is amazing, the things that she understands at 4 blows my mind.  Then I started thinking about how she is able to do this, she will watch everything that we do and then act that way.  Even though I don’t think she is paying attention sometimes, or she isn’t listening, the actions that come later prove me wrong.  Also in all of the driving, I was listening to some old @Common tracks.  One track jumped out at me, Pop’s Rap II, from One Day It Will All Make Sense.  In the middle of the track, Pops is talking about how when Common was a kid he taught him more than he taught Common, with a few simple words.  It is when we shut up and listen to our kids, that we can learn the most from them.

We have all heard the saying, Out of the mouth of babes, and it is true, the most honest answer that you will ever get is from a child.

When, I was thinking about all of this, I was trying to figure out what God was trying to tell me or if it was just on my mind.  Then Sunday at Church, our Pastor was continuing our current series called Strong.  It is about having a stronger relationship with God, and doing the things that He has told us to do to build that relationship.  This week was about fasting and solitude.  And this really started to hit home, I have fasted before…. Usually when I want God to do something or show me something.  But never to do it just to get closer to Him.  Fasting is all about getting closer to God, it was laid out as something we should be doing as Christians.  It helps us to focus in on JUST God.  It is that time that we put everything else out of our way, and listen to Him.  Just like when we think our kids aren’t listening to us, Are we listening to God?  The example our pastor gave was of when you are listening to the radio, while driving down the road.  You get some stations perfectly clear, no static just pure sound; then as you go on down the road there is a little more static, and more and more and more, until finally you can’t hear that station anymore for all the static and other noise you are picking up.  In our daily lives, it may not be that we are getting farther from God, but that we have too many things fighting for our attention.  Too many things are putting static into our minds, that we think that we can hear God, but we aren’t sure.  It is our uncertainty that causes us to not act on things that He has in store for us, we get nervous, and continue with our mundane lives.

God listens to us whenever we come to Him with our whole heart, He knows what we are coming for before we ever talk to him about it.  He listens to us as if we were the only ones around, we have a direct communication line with him.  He doesn’t get distracted and bogged down like we do.  I know many of us, specifically us dad’s – lets face it we all have ADD; Will respond to our children, out of routine, with an “Uh huh”, or something of the like, when we don’t know what they really said, (We get in big trouble when we take this approach with the wife, who knows the things we really agree too.)

So I challenge you, to take an extra 20 minutes in the morning, to Shut Up and listen to God.  Then take an extra hour with no TV, no phone, no electronic interference, to talk with your kids, talk with your wife/husband/significant other, and just see how things in your life change.  Hey if nothing changes, I just saved you some electric and phone minutes, but I hope things get better.

by corymcglone